News:Euro Burglary Ruling
From Bolton Interweb
Gwyn-Anne Bearitt, Crime Correspondent, 26th September 2009
In a landmark ruling this week, European Court of Justice judges ruled that homeowners have duties under Health and Safety regulations in respect of burglars. The case was brought by Bolton-based Irish housebreaker, Paddy O’Dors for injuries sustained during a burglary in 2005. Mr O’Dors developed chronic back pain after attempting to lift a 32 inch Toshiba television attached to a weighted base unit. He also cut his arm and tore his shirt after breaking a window to try to escape. O’Dors was apprehended by police after his back gave out when half-way through the window. A claim in respect of Human Rights breaches was also upheld after the Court heard that police had left O’Dors dangling in an undignified manner for at least 30 minutes whilst they waited for local reporters to arrive to take photographs. One policewoman apparently laughed so much at Mr O’Dors discomfort she wet herself, causing significant mental anguish in respect of hurt feelings.
The court ordered damages of 250,000 Euros against the homeowner for failing to undertake a Health and Safety risk assessment and clearly label the TV as requiring two persons to lift it, and for not fitting safety glass to escape routes and not placing a sticker on the window to the effect that breaking the glass could leave sharp edges that might cause injury. 23 Euros was also ordered in respect of tailoring repairs to the shirt. O’Dors was also awarded 100,000 Euros against Greater Manchester police in respect of human rights abuses, namely allowing photographs to be taken of Mr O’Dors “builder’s crack” in contravention of the European Directive on Dignity in the Workplace. The Court ruled that someone else’s home was considered a workplace in the context of a housebreaker or similar occupation, and since that position was absolute a homeowner did not have to give consent.
According to the European Commissioner for Health and Safety, Herr E Hars, the ruling impacts on all homeowners within the European Union and all member states must now take immediate action to address the problem.
The British Government issued a statement saying that they had anticipated the ruling and had already drafted legislation to take effect from July 1st 2010. Lord Elpus, Minister of State at the Ministry of Irrational Futile and Foolish European Directives (MIFFED), said at a press conference that the British Government was committed to the introduction of a scheme to assist householders to comply with the new laws. Inspectors will visit every household and conduct Home Safety Inspections. Inspectors will be recruited from prison release schemes and recently released convicts who were considering going straight. Lord Elpus told journalists that former burglars are the most experienced and qualified people to assess the dangers to their profession and to advise homeowners on the precautions they should take. When questioned as to whether former burglars could be trusted to undertake home inspections, Lord Elpus replied that all those applying to become inspectors will need to sign a piece of paper promising not to use the information for improper purposes. Inspectors will be regulated, and would be suspended from the scheme for two weeks and fined up to £50 if they subsequently burgle a property they have inspected.
Lord Elpus confirmed that compliance with the inspection scheme would be mandatory and homeowners would be charged a nominal £800 plus VAT for the inspection and report to cover costs. Inspectors will have a legal right of forced entry where homeowners refuse to comply, and will also have powers to remove any item within a house that they deem potentially dangerous. Lord Elpus said that inspectors would have broad discretion to decide what might be dangerous. An appeal process will be set up and tenders were being invited from suitably qualified bailiff and car clamping firms to run the appeals service.
Lord Elpus told journalists that he would be personally overseeing the inspector licensing authority, OFFLICENSE, and would be leaving Government several weeks before losing the next General Election to serve a five year minimum term as Chairman on a £600k per annum contract.
There were mixed reactions elsewhere in Europe. French Interior Design Minister, Madame Le Moncurd responded that the French would take this ruling as seriously as all other European laws that don’t apply to them. The Italian minister of European Affairs, Bella Donna, was unavailable due to porn flick filming commitments. The German government said that they shoot burglars on sight so the problem never occurs. The Irish said they would hold a referendum. Bruce Forsyth replied that he would be 82 next February.
© Evrose, 2010
